Even Eerlijk

Ik moet de laatste tijd nogal vaak eerlijk zijn. En dat begint me een beetje te irriteren. Niet omdat ik ervan houd om te liegen. Integendeel. Ik heb Nederlands meest bekende grootmoeders wijsheid ‘Eerlijkheid duurt het langst’ hoog in het vaandel staan.
Nee, het gaat mij om de manier waarop. Kern van mijn irritatie is de zin: ‘Laten we nou heel eerlijk zijn’ die met name opduikt in discussies en goede gesprekken (u kent ze vast wel: goed glas wijn, goed blokje kaas en de rest kom vanzelf) over bijvoorbeeld de zin van het leven.

Een voorbeeld: Laatst kwam een vriendin van mijn ouders bloemen brengen, omdat mijn ouders de volgende dag terug zouden komen van vakantie. Aangezien ik goed ben opgevoed, bood ik die vriendin een kop thee aan. Al kletsende en beleefdheden uitwisselende kwamen we op het onderwerp homoseksualiteit. Nou vind ik iemands seksuele geaardheid het meest nutteloze feit dat er is, maar die vriendin dacht daar toch wat anders over. We raakten verwikkeld in een op zich vriendelijke discussie over mijn broertje die net zoals 10 procent van de Nederlandse bevolking een seksuele voorkeur heeft voor iemand van hetzelfde geslacht. De vriendin raakte bij mij een snaar door te stellen dat mijn moeder veel liever had gehad dat mijn broertje hetero zou zijn geweest. Inderdaad, deze stelling sloot zij af met: ‘Laten we nou heel eerlijk zijn.’ Nou gaat dit verhaal niet over het standpunt van mijn moeder ten aanzien van de seksuele voorkeur van mijn broertje, maar hecht ik er toch aan even te benadrukken dat ik niet geloof dat mijn moeder dit zo voelt. Ja, hij kiest niet voor de meeste bewandelde weg, maar gaat eens kijken wat er buiten het gebaande pad zoal te zien is. En ook al voelt mijn moeder het wel zo. Dan is het nog niet aan die vriendin om mij dat op deze manier duidelijk te maken.

Goed waar was ik. O ja, mijn irritatie over het ‘Laten we nou heel eerlijk zijn’-syndroom. Mijn irritatie zit ‘m namelijk in de vooringenomenheid van die zin: Mijn mening is het meest logische, want ik vind dat nou eenmaal zo. Vind jij wat anders? Agh Koen, kom op. Wees nou even heel eerlijk. Zo is het toch gewoon. Ik weet niet waarom men deze zin zoveel gebruikt. Misschien omdat we al zo weinig zekerheden hebben. Dan is het in ieder geval fijn om te weten dat anderen jouw mening delen. Al dan niet opgedrongen. Bij mij werkt ‘ie ondertussen averechts en staan mijn hersens op scherp als ik iemand die bloedirritante zin hoor uitspreken! En laat IK nu even heel eerlijk zijn: ik moet ontzettend nodig naar de WC.

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