Een lesje relativeren

Snoozen! ik doe het bijna nooit, maar vanochtend lieten mijn oogleden mij geen andere keus. Met oprechte pijn in ’t hart drukte ik de wekker uit en zette ‘m tien minuten later. Tien minuten die ik nog hard nodig zou hebben, maar dus niet meer tot mijn beschikking had.

Die tien minuten verstreken alsof het tien seconden waren en nu waren mijn oogleden mij al wat beter gezind! Terwijl ik gapend de trap af loop, zie ik even de schone onderbroeken die mijn moeder op de trap heeft gelegd over het hoofd – Trouwens, wat is dat toch met schoon wasgoed op de trap leggen? Alsof het door dit soort guerilla-acties eerder naar boven komt. Eerder het tegenovergestelde – Afijn, ik zie dus die onderbroeken over het hoofd met als gevolg dat ik zeer ritmisch (ik kan niet anders zeggen) op mijn kont het resterende gedeelte van de trap af stuiter. Terwijl ik op het tapijt op de overloop mijzelf even heel zielig zit te vinden, besef ik me ineens dat ik tien minuten minder heb dan normaal en dus op moet schieten.

Ik schiet overeind, gooi mijn onderbroek in de wasmand, gris een schone van de stapel op de trap (Ha, zie je wel dat die stapel daar veel beter kan blijven liggen) en ren de badkamer in. Dit keer win ik eindelijk een keer van de gladde badkamertegels door eens niet in een veredelde spagaat te gaan en uiteindelijk sta ik onder de warme stralen van de douche. Geen zorgen, over dit gedeelte krijgen jullie geen enkel detail :)

Nadat ik mij ook door het slagveld dat mijn haar heet heb weten te werken en weer tijd heb verspild die ik niet heb … – Ik help u nog even herinneren, die verloren tien minuten aan snooze-tijd – deponeer ik een flinke klodder tandpasta op mijn elektrische(!) tandenborstel en vraag me niet waarom: Ik druk ‘m te vroeg aan, waardoor de tandpasta alle kanten op vliegt, behalve op de plek waar het hoort (even for the record: mijn tanden). Witte tandpasta op mijn zwarte shirt gaat niet samen en ik besluit, gezien de tijd die steeds sneller lijkt te gaan, dat ik dan maar een schoon shirt aan moet trekken … Tja, die ene die ik wil zit in de was. Die andere kan niet echt niet op mijn net schoon aangetrokken broek … Kortom, ik neem de tijd. Terwijl ik als een veredelde Frans Molenaar op zoek ga naar een geschikt shirt, hoor ik beneden de klok tien uur slaan en besef ik me ineens dat ik precies tien minuten bezig ben met het zoeken naar een shirt. Inderdaad, die tien minuten die ik niet heb! Ik gris een vrij neutraal (lees: saai) shirt uit de kast, trek ‘m aan en snel naar beneden. Zonder te vallen dit keer.

Terwijl ik al etend mijn schoenen aantrek, hoor ik nog net het slot van het journaal op de radio. Syrië is nog steeds niet echt gezellig, Turkije is al niet veel beter en de crisis is ook nog steeds niet voorbij. Er vormt zich een glimlach rondom mijn gezicht en ik realiseer me dat het altijd erger kan dan dit soort rampochtenden! Die glimlach verdwijnt echter vrij snel weer, ik ben bijna te laat! U raadt het al: ik heb nog tien minuten om mijn trein te halen …

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